Because Relationships Matter

Can I trust your church?

"I attended your church for the first time this weekend. I loved it! I was in tears a couple times. God got my attention. I haven't been in church for a while, and I am really excited about what I heard. So, I'd like to come back, but I'd like to know where does your church stand on abortion and homosexuality?"

{Deep sigh]...to make it more interesting, he added that he is a gay man who doesn't believe God made a mistake in creating him. We had an normal 2-party conversation, so without a play-by-play script, here's the general message. 

"I'm thrilled you came and enjoyed it! I know you'd like some black and white answers to those questions; I can't give you that. I want to help you know who we are but I also want to help you know what to expect.

We have some beliefs that we believe are essential. Jesus is Lord is an essential belief. People matter to God is another. There are others. We have some beliefs that are non-essential. We don't have to agree on those. In all of our beliefs, we want to offer grace. We are a United Methodist Church, and based on what I'm looking at on the UM website, our position on the issues is consistent.  

You can expect to find real people. That means that some of our people assume all Christians believe the same way about abortion and homosexuality; we don't. You will hear things that may be hurtful. Our Senior Pastor reminds us that people are often hurt at church -- hurt people hurt people. Relationships are  messy, and when those get combined with polarizing topics, hurt is likely to happen.

I believe we're a great church that's got a healthy vision to love God and love people well. At the same time, I want to communicate the reality; it's not eutopia; we're a church of people who need a Savior, and our Savior is Jesus." 

"This might be one of the most refreshing things I've heard in a long time. I don't need a church to take a stand on the things that are important to me; I just don't want a church where I have to hear condemnation about what the church is against."

Hope I answered in a way that was helpful to him and that honored God and GCC. Several have told me, "I wouldn't know what to say in these situations," so I hope this is helpful to you.

The Church of Facebook

I'm a member of Facebook. I don't update my status. My prominent activity is that my blog posts from Typepad are imported to Facebook as a note. I also don't Twitter.

I sound like a technical dork (which I can be at times) or obstinate to the reality of social networking. Neither are true. So, while I'm not a typical member, I know it's shaping our behavioral response to human emotions and the ever changing culture of how relationships are shaped. 

Social networking fills a basic human need for connection. While its' not the most helpful method for me, The Church of Facebook, by Jesse Rice, is a book that explores the hidden truths behind the several hundred million people who have joined in five years.

Besides filling the need to connect, it allows us to decide how we want to be perceived by others, either by what we reveal or what we hide. FB gives us control. It demonstrates our deep need and search for acceptance. 

There are those who will say, "No, really. I just wanted to join Facebook to see what all the hype is about." While that's true for some, a majority have made this a high priority for how our limited time is spent.  

Frances Chan said in a recent teaching, "Years from now, there will be a revealed purpose from Facebook and Twitter. It will be evidence that our lack of relationship with God was not due to a lack of available time." I don't say that to bring shame. It's said to shed light on the value that people give to it.

In the last month, I've had 3 separate people talk about their overwhelming feelings when no one comments on their FB wall, or sends them a text. "Are my friends mad at me? Have I done something?" They know it's irrational to have these thoughts, but it's hitting the roots of their insecurity. It holds a prominent place in our lives. 

The book was a good read. It's an intriguing topic. Let me end with this quote from Jesse, "While our social connections are growing exponentially, the number of people with whom we feel safe to trust the most important parts of ourselves is clearly shrinking." 

Below the Surface

The beliefs that motivate behavior can be startling.

"I've come to 1st Wednesday a couple times. I don't want to go too often. After I take communion, it sets me up to be a hypocrite. I don't like to go because then I'm just setting myself up to feel bad again. It's a cleansing, right?"

This person believed that once they accepted communion, they were not supposed to sin again. No wonder they avoided communion if it's a catalyst for shame! It was difficult for them to grasp that communion is a time to celebrate and remember what Jesus has already done for us.

I met with a seminary student to talk about our church for a paper he was writing. He asked, "So, as you have seen large numbers of people attracted to how you communicate about Jesus, do you experience what other churches experience? People attend church regularly for a while and then they drift away?"

We absolutely experience that, and we invest many hours trying to find solutions. It's worthwhile to search for more effective methods. At the same time, there is no perfect method. People will continue to exercise their free will, and they will continue to hold belief systems that we can't see; these beliefs lead them to behaviors that take them away from the church and from Jesus.

From just looking at people, it's hard to tell what's below the surface. It takes an investment of time and care to hear their stories.

Growing from the Edges

  Mark Beeson talked in our last SWAT (Staff Working as Team) meeting about how a tree grows from the outer edges, and how we grow as a church. Friends inviting friends. 

It's funny how God works in things. Shortly after that, I had an opportunity to talk with a woman, and I asked how she started attending GCC.  

"I work with patients, and so I see a lot of people each day. It was so weird how it happened. I knew I needed to get back to church. I'd meet people and think, 'This person seems like they have a heart for God.' So, I'd ask them if they went to church and where they went. Everybody I asked said, 'I go to Granger Community Church.' Really! It was like 7 or 8 people! I figured that God really wanted to get me here so I came. I love it!"

Our relationships matter. All of them. People are watching how followers of Jesus live. I want to live well.  

When hurt overflows...

We may see this sign soon on our roadways. Check out these stories from our local paper. You can't make this stuff up!

• "An argument between motorists on the St. Joseph Valley Parkway ended Wednesday with one man bleeding from the head after being struck with a golf club....According to  South Bend police ... both men were southbound ...when one of them cut the other off, and then each began acting aggressively toward the other....As the men confronted each other on the side of the road, the victim reportedly asked the suspect to put down the club and settle the matter 'like men,' at which point the suspect struck the victim in the left side of the head with the club and drove off."

"A 20-year-old man told police he was stabbed by his younger brother Sunday night after a fight broke out over a Hot Pocket....Although the man was initially uncooperative with police, he admitted that he got into a fight with his 18-year-old brother over the microwave sandwich. The victim told police the two began fighting over who got to eat the Hot Pocket, pushing and grappling with each other into a hallway. He said his younger brother then grabbed a steak knife off the kitchen counter and stabbed at his brother, cutting him on his left side."

I had my own encounter that didn't hit the paper. Due to road construction, I was riding my bike in the opposite direction of traffic. It was early morning so not much traffic. With 2 lanes in each direction, the sole car coming at me was too close. I waived to make sure he saw me. (I used all 5 fingers.) As he went around me, I prepared to make eye contact to gesture thanks. He beat me and gestured first. The 60 year old man flipped me off!!

Really? You're kiddin' me, right? How do you get that much anger at 6:15 a.m.?

These kinds of anger have a lot of unprocessed hurt behind it - from unrelated parts of life. It comes out in ways that are completely disproportionate to the circumstances. This would an example of just one "not-so-helpful patter of behavior" that is addressed in our Turning Point groups. The final launch for 2008 is this Tuesday, September 23, 6:30.

People really matter to God - their hurts, their desires, their purpose. In relationship with other people, our hope is that they'll experience love that overflows into peace. 

FW:

I don't forward email requests that ask, demand, promise, or suggest that I send them to 10 people, everyone I know, or to those I care about. I asked a close family member last December to remove me from the distribution list.  I know I'm not alone, but there are a whole lot of well-meaning people sending these.

I usually don't read them and hit "Delete". However, there are some I do read, and feel compelled to reply. When they are sent from one of our church members or attendees, I fear that no reply will communicate that I agree with the content being sent. I use this filter to decide, "If someone doesn't know they matter to God, or if someone is already suspicious of or in disdain of Christians, would this email move them closer to Jesus?"

My reply is not easy to send or for the recipient to read. In all cases within the church, I've either had no reply or a very gracious note of appreciation. The email FW:'s I receive are from people who love Jesus and are simply trying to figure out what it looks like to give your life to Jesus and follow him. It's not easy!

With so many deeply rooted stereotypes of how Christians should talk, what music they should listen to, what movies they can watch, what political candidate they should vote for, and what or who they should fight against, how's a person to know what to do? God wants us to use his tool for evangelism: Love.

An amazing example of how God works...One of our India mission teams promised the government officials that we would help their children learn English and that we would not evangelize. They were suspicious that Christians would love their children unconditionally. As they waited for us to "sneak in the message of Jesus" and saw us act with integrity, they were amazed and started asking about Jesus!

Image matters

Last week I overheard a woman at the gym talking to her friend. "Do you think God is trying to tell this world he is not too happy? All the fires and earthquakes and cyclones? He said he wouldn't send a flood again to destroy the world but he has other tricks up his sleeve." There was no comment from her friend. The conversation went to other topics.

With that image of God, how will she experience Jesus and know that she matters to God?

One of our Turning Point facilitators, Sarah Rulli, succinctly wrote in a post how a changed image of God changed her life.

"Growing up, my image of God was that of a foreboding taskmaster. A God very big and very far away, but a God that always looked down from his imperial palace in the heavens pointing out every evil thing I ever did. He was cold and uncaring and distant, at least that’s what I thought. As I grew older, I began to nurture a disdain for Christ and Christians. All my encounters with Christianity left me feeling empty. I wanted nothing to do with any of it. So my aversion to Christ solidified.

But something remarkable occurred the summer of 2002. Once again I encountered Jesus, but this time I saw him truly. And upon meeting him, I discovered that he was nothing like what I expected. My preconceived notions of Jesus were wrong. He was forgiving and welcoming and revolutionary. He wasn’t always shouting at me about how bad I was, I already knew that. He was telling me that I was really special, that I was of precious value to him, that he would lay down his life for me… that he loved me. When I met Jesus, I was expecting condemnation but what I received was grace. And that grace has made all the difference in my life."

Sarah experienced Jesus. She wasn't pushed or convinced. Jesus met her right where she was. It changed her imgage of God and it changed her life.

Everyone brings a different image of God to our groups and our church. Meet people where right where they are. Create space for them to experience Jesus.    

Beyond belief!

It is beyond belief that coincidence could bring all these players together onto the Kansas Jayhawks college basketball team. As Dr. Bob often tells us, this is a Christ-incidence!

“We had two murders this week within the immediate family,” Self said at the time. “I’ve never coached that before. I don’t know the coaching manual on that.” The coach's last name is self! Are you kidding me? Sounds like he has really moved beyond the name.

One of the players talked in the article about being raised in Lathrop homes. This is the location of my first mission experience with GCC several years ago. It continues to be a foundation of our regional mission focus.

Their lives are connected. We are connected to them through our love expressed outside these walls

I will never get how God works. How does he connect all of us together so intricately? It's mystery. It's Jesus. It's wonderfully Easter!

Scared

"Gosh, I really don't know what to say except I think I need to start coming to your church, but I'm scared. I am going through a divorce right now and could really use some help from some positive and loving people. I haven't been to church in probably 20 years (I'm 28) but I was driving by GCC the other day and something was telling me I should stop in but I didn't. I really don't know what to do from here? Please help me!!"

Real people. Real life. Real fear.

I find this interesting and tragic. A craving for connection blocked by the fear of leaving isolation. Sounds like fear won during the last encounter. I'm praying that next time the craving will be stronger! 

"Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is what you do when you are feeling afraid."

Facebook as a verb

My son and his girlfriend were home from Purdue this weekend. USC played ND this weekend in South Bend. We had pizza on Friday night with another couple and a bunch of college sophomores and juniors. Purdue, IU, USC, and St. Mary's were represented.

"He facebooked me last night."

"She's crazy! She facebooks constantly."

"When I meet people now, I never used to care about their last name, but if I'm gonna facebook 'em, I gotta remember. It's hard."

Facebook doesn't need to be the topic. It's everywhere. People still want face to face relationships, but the landscape is completely different for how those get created.