Because Relationships Matter

Happy Endings & Happy Beginnings

Something great has to end for something great to begin.

• Parents want great things for their kids. Kids want great things for themselves.
  • The direction of love is toward the kids -- it's not about the parents. 
• Parents and kids have to let go of each other.
  • It can be a challenging process for both.  
• When parents let go first, it's better for the kids.
  • Even without words, the parent speaks boldly, "You can do this!" 

Our daughter, Amy, got married this past weekend. Here's a picture of my husband, Jeff, rehearsing the moves for the next day.

He lead the way in the process of letting go. I'm so proud of him. Amy looks pretty excited about it too!

She took the arm of another great man in her husband, who also happens to be named Jeff!

Joy!

Our daughter, Amy, is fun! She brings energy into a room by just showing up.  

She is getting married this summer, and this picture is from her Bridal Shower this past weekend.  

She isn't missing a beat to savor all of the moments!

Friends from work, childhood, college, and just life came to help her celebrate. Her family, now extended through her in-laws to include many more, came to love on her. As her mom, it is So fun to be with her, to watch her, and see how she engages life.

Amy chooses her attitude. She chooses to be excited about details. She chooses to take things that others might find minor or unexciting, and turn them into moments to celebrate! She doesn't deny reality. She intentionally decides to turn daily life into an event. 

Mostly, I love watching how she loves. Amy loves deeply, warmly, and loudly, and it's all done with great JOY!

Amy is an amazing woman. I just LOVE her!  

Engaged!

We opened the newspaper this morning (the actual "paper"), to find this picture of our own daughter's engagement announcement!

Jeff, her husband-to-be, is an amazing man who loves our daughter very well! We couldn't be more excited!

He would be a great fit for our family with a different name; but since my husband and son are Jeff's too, it's just perfect!

Amy brings fun to all she touches, so we're looking forward to a great wedding  celebration this summer!

 "A twinkle in the eye means joy in the heart, and good news makes you feel fit as a fiddle." Proverbs 15:30

How to Tell if You're Wound Too Tightly

Jeff & I needed to leave the house at 5:15 a.m. for a fitness class. I woke before the alarm and thought I'd surprise him by shoveling the driveway before he got up. I quietly slipped out of bed and out the door.

Marveling at my thoughtfulness, I began to shovel. After about 2 strips of snow, I realized, "Too much snow. I won't get it done by myself in time to leave."

I quietly opened the garage door at 4:42 a.m. I leaned inside, but not so far that I had to waste time removing my boots. Loud enough to be heard, I gently said, "Jeff?"

"Yeah," he groggily replied.

"If you're just laying there in bed, not really doing anything, I need help." A few minutes later, he appeared outside with me, and we cleared the snow to begin our day.

Many hours later, Jeff replayed the morning scene from his perspective. With great comedic timing, "I'll make sure I try to figure out how to be more productive when I'm sleeping so it can count as doing something!"

Here's your sign.

Thankful for Interruptions

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. It's just such a strange thing that with a breathe, people are here and then they're not. They're just gone.

Really? That's it? Life on this earth is done, "Thanks for coming."

We pretty much go through life with the perspective that it never ends. Yeah, I get the eternity thing -- but I waive off people who say, "I can't wait to go to heaven!" As Jeff and I both turn 50 this year with the reality of fewer years ahead of us than behind us, we're really good with the wait!

My brother died in July. My Dad died in August. Jeff and I have both had waiting-for-biopsy results in the last few months. We're not alone. From the few hundred prayer requests each week that is but a sampling of the situations faced by the people in our church, or from news reports of death, or from the listing of obituaries, the reality that breathing time is finite is obvious.  

Yet, we live with expectations that leave us dumbfounded when faced with the truth that life is terminal. Brennan Manning wrote, "Expectations are our subtle attempts to control God and manipulate mystery." 

While we don't enjoy the situations that bring us to reality, I'm so much better in their midst. Patience, kindness, listening, laughter, compassion, generosity...they're all easier and more natural.

So, I'm thankful for interruptions. I'm thankful for things that wake me up to reality. I don't know how I'll stay alert, but while I am, I want to enjoy the moments of life God has presented.

So, I'm gonna spend a great day with the man I love, and have a really Happy Thanksgiving! Hoping you do too!  

Rally to Restore Sanity

I value transparency. I wish that politicians were transparent; while it's a reasonable desire, it's not realistic. I suppose it's like asking a comedian to not be funny. Those in politics are political (duh!), but it does make me a bit crazy.

So, I went to DC last weekend to attend the Rally to Restore Sanity with my son and daughter-in-law, Jeff & Bri. My husband was scheduled to volunteer at church, so I went solo. In this picture, we were still 90 minutes before the rally started, so we had lots of room. 

Within 30 minutes of the rally, and for the 3 hours of the rally, we spent it shoulder-to-shoulder with thousands of people! I mean it was a serious commitment to endure!

And then, of course, we had to get back out of town. We waited 90 minutes before attempting a train, and it was packed! After a few stops when I could actually extend my arm far enough, I grabbed this picture. It was insane! 

I was so excited to hang out with my kids, and we had a GREAT time! I'm glad I was intentional to go.

I was also excited to get back home to hang out with Jeff. Whatever you do, it's really about who you get to do it with.  

 

Honor your parents

My dad died this week. He was 86. He was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago; last week he was told that it was in mutiple locations. Within 2 days, his kidneys began to shut down, and 3 days after that, his heart stopped. It made no sense to get his kidneys functioning again, so that he could die a slow death from cancer. I am so very thankful to God for how this played out.

The loss of my dad is complex. I've wrestled with whether to blog about it. From talking with hundreds of people, I know that adult relationships with our parents can be very confusing. While I don't think the details of my story would be helpful, I hope some thoughts of how they can impact us might be.

A common thing I hear, "I feel bad saying this about my parents. God said that we're supposed to honor them." I've wrestled with that question. How do you honor people who haven't always been honorable? 

As children, our parents are our idols. As infants, we would die if they don't take care of our basic needs for food, clothing, and shelter. As we grow, we often put them on pedastals. They have great influence in shaping how we see ourselves; we often see ourselves based upon how our parents treated us, what they reflected back to us. 

I believe we honor our parents when we, as adults, stop seeing them in their primary role as our parents. When we start seeing them as adults who happen to be our parents, we are able to see their primary role as people who matter to God.

Deut. 5:16 - Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

God's instruction to honor parents is not about our parents. It's about God's love for us. 

Our parents aren't perfect. Our parents are human. My dad was human. When we no longer idolize them, we recognize that we are all imperfect. That is honoring to our parents. It's also honoring to God.  

Investing Time

This is a picture of my in-laws, Jay & MaryAnn. They are in their 70's, and they drove to Maryland this past summer to spend a few days visiting our son and his bride. They're like that. 

They've been intentional to spend time with their grandkids over the years. They called to express interest in their lives, ask questions, and just really care. They still do, and our kids are happy to spend time with them.

They've treated me the same way. I met them when I was 17 years old, and it's how I've watched them do life for the last 30+ years. They're great in-laws, and they've been great parents to me! I love them. I'm grateful for how they've loved their son, my husband. 

I've heard other grandparents (or parents) say that their grandchildren (or children) don't care about them. It's hard when family doesn't want to be with you. I don't have any magical answers for it.

I do know that Jay & MaryAnn haven't tried to make us care about them. They've focused on loving well. Period. They express care for others. They're just enjoyable to be around.

They head to Florida now for the winters. We're spending some time this week hanging out with them, sitting on their patio; we read and nap between pages of our books, and about the biggest decision each day is where to eat dinner! It's a privilege and a pleasure to spend time with them.

Slowing

The cure for being hurried is slowing. So, that's what I did for the past few days. Jeff & I made a round trip to Maryland this weekend to see our son and daughter-in-law. They've moved on from this picture taken at their wedding to get all settled with jobs and have purchased their first home.

Yes, some may question how that equates with slowing down, but it's something you have to personalize. 

Jeff & I enjoy car trips. He enjoys driving, and I enjoy navigating. It gives us time to talk, read, sleep (mostly I sleep while Jeff drives), see how efficient we can get with the fewest number of stops...ok, so even if it's odd, we're odd together, so it's good! 

Besides the 9 hours each way, we got to spend a couple great evenings with Jeff and Bri, share the excitement of their new home, spend a couple nights on an inflatable mattress which has to make you chuckle, watch the Notre Dame game, and generally do whatever comes next.

As we enter this final week of Journey for this month, we'll look at what to expect in the practice of solitude. Slowing has to precede solitude, so I hope you'll join me at intentional slowing.

Jeff & Brianna

Just moments after their ceremony, our son is really happy! He has good reason as he's married a wonderful woman - we're thrilled!