"I don't know. We just clicked!" When the click ingrediant shows up in relationships, it's magical. They quickly recognize the feelings of connection, comfort, communication, and it just feels right! It's that piece that people aren't able to explain, but they know when it shows up.
They also know when click isn't there. People show up at our group environments for one or two meetings, and don't come back again. When we get the opportunity to ask about the reasons, "I don't know. It just wasn't for me." They can't really explain it. They just know there was something missing.
Great relationships don't have to include this quick connect feature, but it sure is easier to help people connect when click happens. Ori and Rom Brafman are brothers who wrote Click, The Magic of Instant Connections. I read it last weekend. It reminded me of how we can help create the optimal space for click to be experienced by people in groups.
- Vulnerability - when you trust others by opening yourself up, it helps others trust you.
- Presence - know the value of great relationship, offer others acceptance, know yourself so you can reflect on your own emotions, and genuinely care to have interest in others.
- Similarity - even in our differences, our shared interest to move forward or face adversity can become the thing that draws us together.
Group leaders, facilitators, feel defeated when groups don't form. It's true that "Sometimes groups click and sometimes they don't." It's not ALL about them. At the same time, it can diminish the significance of the facilitator role and make it too easy to not look at themselves. I'm trying to help facilitators continue to grow personally so they can be most helpful to others. Love people.