Because Relationships Matter

Safety

I've been thinking about safety a lot lately.

• What doors should be locked; when is it right to make it convenient to enter our building, and when is it foolish to let ourselves be obviously vulnerable?
• What people do we help; when is it right to help someone get a ride to church, and when is it foolish to ask a volunteer to help someone who is manipulative?  
• What feelings do we communicate; when is it right to encourage someone to fight for their marriage, and when is it foolish to encourage someone to open themselves up further to the lack of commitment they've already experienced? 
• What money do we spend; when is it right to give to hurting people, and when is it foolish to give to those who spend it unwisely and come back to ask for more?
• What investment do we make in our physical health; when is it right to make healthy living decisions, and when is it foolish to not recognize that a tiny cell that changes to a cancer can kill us?

When we build ourselves into a fortress, our life shrinks to the size of the box we build around us. If we expose ourselves without limit, we see how fragile life is. 

Psalm 4:8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Difficult for me too

When you encounter a person in need, how will you respond?

My wrestling began on December 23 with the first voice mail. “Hi Kathy. I’m in a hotel, and a friend of mine paid for 2 nights for me, but I don’t know what I’m going to do at 11:00 tomorrow. [Details of her story followed.] A member of your church told me to call. She said the church could help me. ”  

I hear this a lot. I understand it, but it frustrates me. I know it’s hard to encounter need, and we want to “do something”. However, when they call the church, the person’s hopes are increased only to have them deflated again; additionally, it sounds like, “The church doesn’t care”.

Over a series of phone conversations, I learned: mid-40's; divorced over a year; one son in college; came here from Illinois for a job using her truck to haul trailers; friend who paid for the hotel room returned to Florida; no family; no apartment as she'd been on the road and slept in her truck to reduce cost; used her last pay to have the truck towed; had already called United Way & shelters looking for help; had applied for jobs at retail places she could walk to; had a laptop & cell; appeared resourceful and fairly logical; and could get a week in an apartment for $100. 

Yes, there are holes in the story. I could have spent much longer investing in all the details behind the puzzling scenario. I didn’t think it was helpful to expose further that her life was messed up. This was a working person who was one unexpected step away from being homeless. She was afraid. 

I talk to a lot of people in need, so I have some practice, and these conversations are never easy. This was particularly difficult. Over the 24 hours of conversations with her, I went from absolutely no, to maybe, to $100 for the apartment, to waking early to center in how to wisely love her well, to finding room for her at a shelter, to preparing to transport her personally to the shelter, and finally to letting her decide.

In the end, her final message to me said, "I found a friend who is going to let me stay with her through Christmas, and then I'll go to the place you found me at the shelter. Thank you for listening and trying to help me. I hope you and your family have a nice Christmas." Yes, there's room for suspicion, but she never asked for cash or anything. I believe she, like so very many people, had a track record of making decisions that onlyh lead to more problems. 

As GCC moves into 2011, we'll be talking and training our people to be the hands & feet of Christ outside the building that we call church. We are the Church, the Body of Christ. Our role is not to fill every need. Jesus was clear, our role is "Love one another."

A Christmas Story

A scribbled hand-written note, with rubber bands wrapping it around the gift, was placed in the offering plate on 12.18.2010. With slight edits for anonymity, these were the words.

Dear God, I give you this as my tithe and offering. I have kept my promise. Now, Lord please keep your promise. I need you now, more than any other day. PLEASE HELP ME LORD. I am giving up in everything. If you are my God, father & Lord, please help me father. Please help me. Lord. From my heart am crying. Your crying child

The note was signed with only a first name. It was added to the list of dozens of prayer requests given to us each week. Because the first name was unique, we were able to connect her with the contact info that she'd provided to us previously.

Although many are privilenged to give from abundance in response to what we've already been given, many give from their poverty as it appeared she was doing. I was nudged by her words to find the story behind the note. 

I called to find myself speaking with a woman living in our country who had a job, was going to school, speaking with a strong foreign language accent, and trying to find her way. When she told me of her need, I asked if she had family or friends that would help her. "I can get help but it is with conditions. They will give me whatever I need if I have sex with them. I know God does not like sin. I don't want to sin against God."

I sighed deeply...the wrong-ness of this world. A simple gift card for food & gasoline would close the needed gap until we could work with her to find a longer-term solution. Out of the donated resources in the Stephen's Fund, she was so very grateful for the gift until we can help her find her way to a solution.

Sitting across from the offering box, he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins - a measly two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, "The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford - she gave her all." Mark: 12:41-44 

Do Something

"I'm sorry. We don't have a ministry to help with that." I have it memorized. I encourage anyone who works in a church to do the same. It's not easy; it's hard - most anything worth it is.

What happens when your church doesn't have a ministry or won't start one for the purpose that you think is important? "Someone should do something" are words that get spoken. 

I witnessed a beautiful illustration this weekend of someone who gets that people are the church, so she is doing something.  A few months ago she met a man sitting next to her in church. He was old enough to be her son. She spent some time talking to him and learned his story. She saw him at the same service each week over time. 

He has some mental health special needs. He is very high functioning, but his family has some other challenges limiting their ability to come beside him to develop his independence as an adult. 

She talked to her group of friends. "We've sorta adopted him." He rides his bike to church, and it's tough in the rain. She picked him up this weekend, and they were going to lunch afterwards. They have bought him a new bike. They are acting as his advocate with some local social service agencies to help him become more independent, find an apartment or a roommate, and all the stuff that goes with that.

They have decided to do what they can. It's great! I am so proud and so grateful!

Instead of talking about what your church should do, what can you do?  

"I need help", by Guest Blogger, Dawn Lovitt

"I'll go sleep in the woods with this dog before I give it away to a shelter."

(this comment delivered deadpan)

...from a gentleman going from A-Z under the heading of "churches" in the phone book. He quit drugs 2 years ago and is now suffering from cardiac sudden death syndrome and is awaiting his disability hearing. He and his wife of 17 years are facing eviction next week and his vehicle (a $150 beater that someone gave him) was totalled this past week. They have no income. He has nothing of value except the "$3000 dog" that someone gave him.

It's not our responsibility to solve his problem. Part of my job as Care Coordinator - with the hope of finding help and the ability to resource them - is sometimes asking hard questions. After hitting many brick walls, it occasionally (more often these days) comes to the point where I have to ask the hardest ones:

"Do you have a place to go if you lose your home? Family, friends?"

I try to explain the tough reality that he may need to find a shelter.

Many people divert attention to the care of their pets. They love them and can't imagine sending them to the humane society where they could be euthanized or to a refuge organization where they will never get them back.

I have pets. I love them. If it came to it, would I give them up and take my family to a shelter?

At this point, he is trying to hold on to something, another living creature, for comfort when everything else is about to be lost.

I have never been in that place. I don't know the turmoil in the heart and mind of a person in this situation that causes this to be a tough decision.

It's hard being the voice of reality sometimes. It rips at my heart to have to tell someone that I can't help them. The only thing I can do is pray. This situation is beyond me.

I am seeing an increase in calls for assistance and this one made my heart hurt. I know, it could have been someone trying to "scam" the church. But I choose not to be jaded and err on the side of mercy.

So often people wait until the situation is past the point of repair before seeking help. Three small words, so hard to speak.

"I need help."

Making a Difference

This blog post title is from my favorite part of NBC Nightly News -- it's when they tell a story about people doing positive things. Tim Stevens wrote this post about creating a culture of volunteerism. I started thinking about the stories of volunteers who make a difference. 

About a year ago, I assumed the privilege of overseeing a couple closely-related volunteer teams. The vision for the Security Team and the Point Leader Team is clear but their responsibilities are broad. We have one Point Leader and several Security volunteers at each service.

Primarily, their role is to make sure our guests have a safe and positive experience. These are people who are shaped to notice things that seem unusual; they move closer when others want to move away. It requires high relational skills so they can tune into a situation and adjust the role they need to play.

At one end of the spectrum, they offer gentle guidance to our guests. Mark Waltz wrote this story about a Point Leader who helped some teens have a good time when they didn't want to be at church.

At the other end, they bring swift and decisive action that can save a life. Over the last few months, we've had a couple medical situations that were life-threatening. In the matter of a few minutes, all of these things happen.

• Gather the details of the problem
• Medical Team volunteers are brought in
• Guest Relations calls 911
• Parking Team adjusts traffic for the ambulance
• Usher/Greeter Team adjusts traffic flow for guests moving through adjacent areas

This all happens so quickly, sequentially or concurrently, and it flows beautifully. It was 100% volunteers. I'm so grateful.

What's at the center of it for all of these volunteers? One person who matters to God. In those moments, our heart becomes God's heart and God's heart become ours.

Behind bars

I got a call several months ago from a woman asking me if I could visit her grandson, 19, at the local jail. She explained that his mother had disowned him, and his father, her son, wasn't too committed to visit him.

 "I am all he has. People tell me to give up on him. I simply won't go to my grave hating my grandson. He matters." Not all callers in a place such as hers are reasonable and rationale. She was. I noticed.

He was in solitary confinement. The reasons for that made me think that a visit from me, a perceived 'church lady', might not be the most helpful. Instead, I remembered a man who only a few months earlier had shown me the Bible that he read during the years he was in prison. He told me, "I'm not that person anymore." He would have much more credibility with a 19 year old young man than I ever could. I asked him to go. He agreed. They had a positive visit.

It's a few months later, and the grandson is now serving time in a state prison. He will likely be in jail for the next 20 years. I sent him a letter today. It was strange to write, and I assume it will be strange to read. I simply introduced myself, described the connection I had to his grandma and to the visitor he had while in jail. I invited him to tell me his story as he'd like through letters or email.

I don't know what will unfold. He'll either continue to take steps away from Jesus or he'll take steps toward him. I don't know if he has lost all hope, and I don't know what this year or those to come will bring for him, but I'm hopeful for him.   

Being the Church

This is Darnell with Mark Beeson when we had an opportunity to recognize her a couple years ago. She leads a team of volunteers who make hospital visits. They pastor to our guests and their families, and they are an amazing group of people!

Over the past few weeks, we've had a couple members pass away while in the hospital. On both occasions, these incredible volunteers were present in times of crisis to offer care to the families.

One man was so grateful to have someone with him as his wife passed. Another family saw our volunteer as an angel who arrived in perfect timing to offer them comfort.

Our staff team simply could not provide all the love and care that these great leaders offer so graciously!

The local church is truly the Church when people love one another.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 1 Peter 3:8

A woman named Dawn

A few weeks ago, I was also at the lunch that Rob talks about in this post. A server that wasn't assigned to our table approached us. (Hear this with an excited tone of voice at a very fast speed. I'll type quickly for effect!)

"Hi! I go to GCC, and I wanted to come talk to you guys. I want to tell you about something that happened to me. You have this woman that works on your staff named 'Dawn'. Do you know her? Well, she's incredible - she helped me so much!

A few weeks ago my dad was going to have heart surgery. It was bad. We didn't konw if he would make it, and my brother and I didn't know if he knew Jesus, and I just didn't know what to do or who to talk to. I just didn't know. I thought that if I call my church, I'm sure someone can help me.

Dawn was so good to me, and she just listened, and she was so patient, and she had just the right things to say and just what I needed to hear! I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been there.

Before surgery, my dad was really out of it, but my brother and I prayed for him. My dad opened his eyes and said, 'I know the Lord' and then he went to surgery. Yeah, he's fine, stubborn again, and he's doing great. But I was really scared.

I just don't know what I would have done without Dawn. Would you tell her thank you? She was really great! She helped me so much! I just knew that if I called my church that someone could point me in the right direction. That's all I really wanted to say. Thanks!"

Dawn Lovitt is our Care Coordinator and my assistant. She is our first line of contact with hurting people, in addition to all of her other roles as our coordinator for groups, wedding coordinator, and a potpourri of other stuff that helps people know they matter. She loves Jesus. She's a great wife to Dave. She's a great mom to Breanna and Paige. She's awesome! She honors God and represents us as church really well! I'm so proud of her and grateful for her!

...just passing on a message, Thank you Dawn!

 

A praying man

I was thrilled to see our own Don Wiseman honored in our local paper. He is 70 years old, and has been teaching golf for 50 years!

I am honored that Don and his wife, Marcia, serve as leaders of our Prayer Team. They are faithful and steady as they make sure members of their team are available following every service to provide care to our guests.

Don was quoted in the article saying, "If you understand that a golf swing is like the rudder of a ship, whatever direction you turn the face is the direction the ball is going to go. Most people don't understand that."

Don also understands that whatever direction you turn your feet is the direction that your life will go. He turned his feet toward Jesus about 20 years ago, and he's never regretted that decision.

That same decision has served our pastor, our staff and our church as he's diligently prayed for us. We may never know the evil that Don Wiseman has protected us from over his years of faithful prayer!

Thank you Don -- I'm so proud of you! "The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with." James 5:16