Because Relationships Matter

...the less I know

There have been occasions when people have said to me, "I feel like so much of what I've been taught about God from my church is a lie." Those are pretty strong words, but I've heard them often enough to make me notice them.

They may be referring to a Catholic church, a Baptist church, a small church, a mega-church, your church, or my church. I don't think it's the fault of the Church itself. The beliefs of the Church are taught and lived out by the people of it. Some are leaders and some are followers, but what they have in common is the nature as humans. 

Human nature gravitates toward predictability, control, methods, etc. We feel more secure when we know what to expect.

Jeff & I were talking with some friends about what we all have been taught about salvation. There were a few variations, but the steps pointed to the same methodology. There was a time when having an exact process was comforting to me. It's no longer the case.

The day after that conversation, I saw this blog post by Donald Miller in which he wrote of "our drive to define God with a mathematical theology". Beyond knowing that we're loved by God, and he wants us live out our days loving one another, the continuing knowledge strengthens my perspective of God as wonderfully mysterious. There's a beautiful tension in those words.  

I don't think a specific church or the Church has lied to me. I think it's a process of understanding that the more I learn about God, the less I know.  

Atmosphere for Change

"How do I make them want to...stop drinking, start studying, spend time with me, help me with the chores, be responsible with money, show up for work, take care of their health, talk to me about problems, help themselves or stop hurting themselves...?"

It's a common question pattern. The less-often-stated, but more revealing, question is, "How can I get them to do what I want them to do? If they would, I would feel better."  Ouch.

People don't generally make lasting change to make someone else feel better. When or if they do, it often leads to other problems,  co-dependent or enmeshed relationships.

People are most likely to change when they experience acceptance right where they are at. 

"I can not condone what they're doing! I just don't agree. I can't just look the other way?" Acceptance can be offered without agreeing, understanding, or celebrating the behavior of another. 

While acceptance isn't easy to offer, it is possible. This phrase has helped me, "If it were so easy for them to change, they already would have. While I might think that it's not that hard, I'm not them. They have all the information they need for whenever they choose to apply it."

I've found that if I focus on changing my behavior toward the other person, it often creates an atmosphere where they can more freely choose to change rather than feeling controlled. 

Inhale. Exhale.

I've been thinking a lot lately about life and death. At some point, your heart just stops beating. Breathing stops. Done. Your life is over. 

We don't get to know. We don't know if there's some cell in us that's going to become cancer, or if cancer is already at work but yet undetected. We don't know about the car accident or the heart attack that's around the corner today, next week, next year. Other than suicide or life support systems, we don't know.

It can happen - in a heartbeat.(Sorry. This is depressing. Our son has told me often, "Thanks Mom. You know how to kill a good mood with your stories." Hang in here with me...)

What do we do? We live. We try to pretend. We try not to think about it. We busy ourselves.

That doesn't make any sense either. The odds of death are currently 100%.

We distract ourselves with life problems. They are sometimes big problems: loss of a job, a divorce, a DUI offense, or an out-of-control kid. They are sometimes little problems that are made to be big: problems at work, a spouse who is inconsiderate at times, a speeding ticket, or a kid who is acting like a kid.

If you got a call that someone you love had died in an instant, the perspective on problems would change in an instant. Life problems are all important AND not important at all.

We get this tiny little life with this limited time. What will we do with it? Other than the love we have and the love we have to give, everything else is insignificant.  

Inhale how much you are loved. Exhale it regularly to those around you.