Because Relationships Matter

How will God use me?

I received this email. I am so grateful that people share their stories with me. It's affirming to me, and it helps me to see the patterns for processing that we humans use. 

 

I had a very rough weekend struggling with my thoughts and actions along with thinking about my future and what I have and don't have and how my life has ended up in such a lonely mess. I have lost so many people in my life and felt so all alone that I had another melt down.

 

This time it was different, I wanted to take my "feeling sorry for myself" attitude and direct it to God and lean on Him and not contact or run to someone for comfort because I knew deep down that if I did things would really change, that I had to go to God so that He could comfort me.

 

I had to open up my whole heart and sole and speak the truth to Him, to confess my thoughts and actions.  I did and felt drained but also felt comfort.  I know the truth and it will take baby steps to start my actions but it must be done if I have any hope of finding joy. 

 

Kathy, I want to share my life story and not sure how and who I can reach out to. If there is anyone that I can reach out to or become a part of GCC in some way then I want to do it. My life's circumstances just may help someone else and that is a desire and maybe a need out there. I believe it is God wanting me to do this but I am praying about it to make sure. 

 

I love the humility that brings them tip-toeing to God with this idea that God might actually be able to 'use me'. At the same time, this person doesn't need to pray about it to make sure.  

 

God's plan is that we love God and love one another, and we do it through relationships and stories. This story would definitely be helpful to someone. The question is with who, and when, and how? Meet people to see what relationships develop naturally. Create the opportunity for God to work through us.

 

Volunteering is a great place to find relationships at church. The next group environment will be View Point or Starting Point for Singles on Monday, May 3. It's all about relationships!

 

Mark Waltz and I will be saying lots more at Journey in April on Living God's Plan A.

 

Dad's Influence

I haven't researched this, although I know others have. This is from my own observations from coming beside people many years beyond their childhood.

From 10 to 40 years after their children are now adults, a dads influence is very present. Positive or negative, the hold is a strong one. If it's a negative impact, the adult has a very difficult time 'shaking off' the influence of their father; they often struggle for years as a slave trying to free themselves. 

This isn't an absolute or exact list, but it's a continuum.

The physically and emotionally present dad -- adult children who know they matter and have value.

The physically or emotionally absent dad -- adult children who are searching to see if they matter and have value; often they are puzzled or needy trying to measure up, but they are fairly certain they'll discover they don't.

The physically or emotionally attacking dad -- adult children who are convinced they don't matter and have no value; often they either try to please relentlessly or give up fairly easily convinced they are damaged, a failure, not good enough.  

I've been praying for clarity. God, how can I help them find their way to you?

The response I received were the above thoughts and these words from Galatians 4: "We have been set free to experience our rightful heritage. You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, "Papa! Father!" Doesn't that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are child, you're also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.

Earlier, before you knew God personally, you were enslaved to so-called gods that had nothing of the divine about them."

 

Disappointment

1. When others disappoint me - Sometimes people are just bad; other times I set myself up to be disappointed. I see people do some positive things, so I then assume this is who they are most of the time. Jesus said in Matthew 7:16, "By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?" Watch people's lives to know if fruit can be expected. Pay attention over time.

2. When I disappoint others - I can't stand to disappoint the person who is looking for Jesus. We do weekend services the way we do so that people who are looking to find their significance will find Jesus. I can stand to disappoint the righteous; I can't stand to disappoint the seeker.

3. When I disappoint myself - I often live in denial as if what's true, isn't true. I want to believe that if I eat all the cookies I won't gain weight. I live one way but fantasize (or live in denial) that I won't get the results that come from living that way. 

4. When I disappoint God - This happens when my heart wants less than what God wants. Micah 6:8 describes God's desire, "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." 

From Mark Beeson's teaching at GCC's weekend service, March 20-21, 2010

Making a Difference

This blog post title is from my favorite part of NBC Nightly News -- it's when they tell a story about people doing positive things. Tim Stevens wrote this post about creating a culture of volunteerism. I started thinking about the stories of volunteers who make a difference. 

About a year ago, I assumed the privilege of overseeing a couple closely-related volunteer teams. The vision for the Security Team and the Point Leader Team is clear but their responsibilities are broad. We have one Point Leader and several Security volunteers at each service.

Primarily, their role is to make sure our guests have a safe and positive experience. These are people who are shaped to notice things that seem unusual; they move closer when others want to move away. It requires high relational skills so they can tune into a situation and adjust the role they need to play.

At one end of the spectrum, they offer gentle guidance to our guests. Mark Waltz wrote this story about a Point Leader who helped some teens have a good time when they didn't want to be at church.

At the other end, they bring swift and decisive action that can save a life. Over the last few months, we've had a couple medical situations that were life-threatening. In the matter of a few minutes, all of these things happen.

• Gather the details of the problem
• Medical Team volunteers are brought in
• Guest Relations calls 911
• Parking Team adjusts traffic for the ambulance
• Usher/Greeter Team adjusts traffic flow for guests moving through adjacent areas

This all happens so quickly, sequentially or concurrently, and it flows beautifully. It was 100% volunteers. I'm so grateful.

What's at the center of it for all of these volunteers? One person who matters to God. In those moments, our heart becomes God's heart and God's heart become ours.

Competing Values

People matter: guests, volunteers, staff.   How do we decide who matters most?

It's not black and white. It's difficult. Competing values are challenging.

I had a volunteer say, "I talked to a woman who wants to know more about groups. Here's her number." I asked if she would you mind calling her back. The guest can either call the church and we'd be happy to talk with her, or she can get the same information immediately from our website." 

The volunteer told me, "I almost did that! Then I thought about how we want to make things easy for people, and I thought maybe I wasn't very accommodating."

I love the heart here! It's such a tough thing for us to communicate well to people.

It's like trying to tell your kids that you love them all. They are each special and yet they are loved the same.

It's the same message from God: "You all matter. You just don't matter more than anyone else."

"There is no one righteous; not even one;" Romans 3:10

You'll need to really look.

Do you really want relationships that aren't positive or helpful? I don't. Why would you want to have a relationship with God if you didn't think it was gonna be a positive experience?

If you think God's gonna minimize your feelings, or condemn you, or offer you love based on you making some changes in your life, you're not gonna move toward it. 

The problem is that many of us stop looking at all. We think we know what we'll find, so we just won't look.

God wants us to really see his own character, his nature, so he gave us Jesus. "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." 1 John 4:9 

I asked someone recently, "Is it ever ok for your needs to matter?" The reply was immediate, "I don't matter. I've never mattered."

As we talked further about the hurts that have been pushed down for many years, I asked what they thought Jesus would say about it. "Get over it [the hurts] and be strong [don't feel it]."

How we see God is directly related to our relationship with God. You'll really need to look, and keep looking, at Jesus if you want your relationship to change. 

No Feedback?

We held a women's event this past Friday that I wrote about here. We had 400 women, lots of energy and laughter - a great night!

We formally ask for feedback in most of our environments. I planned to do the same here. However, the team pushed back. I'm glad they did.

I told the crowd that if they had any words of encouragement, they could stop anyone to thank them or tell them what they appreciated. If they had any suggestions or things they wish we would have done differently, I told them to bring those just to me. 

Feedback can be really helpful, but honestly, it can suck the life out of those who invest their energy to create a great space for people to know they matter to God. We do hear many positive comments, but negative ones just leave the feeling "it wasn't good enough".

Since we encouraged the women that their next step toward Christ might be to accept themselves just where they are, we decided to practice what we preached! We decided to let this event just Be.

There is one woman, however, who was not about to let her enthusiasm be curtailed! She posted this comment  when she got home -- how great is that! 

When God's love fills us up, it will not be contained!

"I pray that your love will overflow more and more..." Phillipians 1:9

The Fence

People that I talk with often give me illustrations for what they're experiencing. This one captivated me. A man described how he is feeling; his wife is seeking a divorce after 20+ years.

The pattern of their marriage problem is common. I wrote two posts about the pattern: 1st, 2nd. 

His wife followed Jesus throughout their marriage. He made a decision to follow Jesus about 7 weeks ago; his wife's announcement that she wanted a divorce was the catalyst for the changes he's making.

"I feel like there's this fence between us. I'm leaning over the fence as far as I possibly can with my arm and hand extended as far as I possibly can. I'm certain that if she'll come close enough to let me hold onto her, if I get another opportunity, I'll never let go this time. 

She told me that the only way she could see that this might work is if she's given the opportunity to come closer to the fence.

She's waited on me for 24 years. God's waited on me for 47 years. I know that I'm not going anywhere. I think it's my turn to wait."

Jesus is the only thing I can describe for the intensity of the change that's happened in him over the past 7 weeks. I want to be VERY CLEAR -- this is not a "I gave my life to Jesus and I'm just a different person" story. This is a "I gave my life to Jesus, and I am a sponge soaking up who this Jesus is through steps at my church, reading, thinking, writing, talking" story.

What I see...he came close enough to the fence, and Jesus isn't letting go!