A time to speak.

A group leader talked to me about a guy in his group.

"He talks all the time about himself. I feel bad saying this. It's almost boring, and it takes a lot of energy to just listen to him."

I asked, "What if you tell him what it's like for you to be with him? If' it's that way in the group, is this why he could be having problems with his wife, with his family, and has difficulty getting close to others?"

"That's why this is so confusing. That doesn't seem Christ-like. I want to be Christ-like." I love the humility and desire of his heart.

"It appears that you have relationship and position to speak into this person's life. Will you care enough about this person to make yourself uncomfortable and have a difficult conversation? Jesus cared enough about us to die, so I guess Christ-like is caring enough to set your needs aside.

Here's a rule of thumb that I've found helpful to use as a guide: If I really want to tell someone something, I should keep quiet. If I really don't want to tell someone something, I probably should. I trust you to decide.

The other person may or may not appreciate it. Try to enter the conversation gently to see if they are in a place where they will be able to hear you. You might try, "What's it like for you to be in our group? What have you noticed about others in the group when you're talking?' It may open the door for you to tell him what it's like for you personally.

You'll need to listen well and not force it. If they become defensive, that's your clue. They aren't ready to hear."

So, that's how I coach our group leaders at GCC. I hope it's helpful.

Comments

[Adam]

This is a microcosm of what is wrong with our society. Nobody wants to take the time to care. Doctor Bob's sermon yesterday really hit home for me. When I am at my lowest that is when I need a person or God to care. I feel all alone - no job and no companion. Divorced, jobless, living in a dumpy apartment and ready to give up. As Dr. Bob said it makes me feel like I don't belong with all the happy and content couples at the church service yesterday. It is at that point that God's people should step in and do the work of God.

[joanne]

well i personally like the info kathy about the group setting and when to know how to approach people but that is your forte i read the post by adam and as you know i knew someone who maybe felt the same way as adam i think sometimes our shortcomings about including and just a smile and a quick hello and if the smile comes back and the hello just happens to come back just maybe will help someone down on their perverbial luck but god is always working i like the comments i read they give us pause for reflection all do matter to god

[Johnny Carr]

I don't like to hurt people. But sometimes you have to. I don't mean comdemn or critisize. But find some way to get them to open their eyes. Everyone deals with some kind of conflict with themselves. Sometimes all we need to do is change our attitude. Be nicer. Think about our aproach. Ask ourselves is our behavior right or wrong. Sometimes we want to have relationships for ourselves because it makes us feel good and we don't really care if we make the other person feel good or not.

Do we want to see our friends keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

CONTROL seems to be the beast that destroys most lives. We either isolate ourselves because we can't CONTROL the relationships we want. Or we destroy the relationships we have because we try to CONTROL them. Then when we fail we find something to ease our pain. Money, drugs, alcohal, ect. WE NEED JESUS!!!