Because Relationships Matter

Behind bars

I got a call several months ago from a woman asking me if I could visit her grandson, 19, at the local jail. She explained that his mother had disowned him, and his father, her son, wasn't too committed to visit him.

 "I am all he has. People tell me to give up on him. I simply won't go to my grave hating my grandson. He matters." Not all callers in a place such as hers are reasonable and rationale. She was. I noticed.

He was in solitary confinement. The reasons for that made me think that a visit from me, a perceived 'church lady', might not be the most helpful. Instead, I remembered a man who only a few months earlier had shown me the Bible that he read during the years he was in prison. He told me, "I'm not that person anymore." He would have much more credibility with a 19 year old young man than I ever could. I asked him to go. He agreed. They had a positive visit.

It's a few months later, and the grandson is now serving time in a state prison. He will likely be in jail for the next 20 years. I sent him a letter today. It was strange to write, and I assume it will be strange to read. I simply introduced myself, described the connection I had to his grandma and to the visitor he had while in jail. I invited him to tell me his story as he'd like through letters or email.

I don't know what will unfold. He'll either continue to take steps away from Jesus or he'll take steps toward him. I don't know if he has lost all hope, and I don't know what this year or those to come will bring for him, but I'm hopeful for him.   

A Christmas Story

About 10 days, ago, Jeff & I went browsing for flat screen tv's. We had no idea how God would show up. Sadly, we weren't looking for him, but how we saw God in this has been a wonderful Christmas gift!

We met Meshaun, a salesman. He was ready to deal, bargain, you name it. "Really. It's a great deal. We aren't ready to buy. Thank you."

"I understand. I have a question. Is there anything I can do to get you to make a decision today? We'd like to take you out of the market, and we'll do whatever we can to make that happen." It was so authentic, different than most...we were caving.

"We want to buy it just to buy it from you!" He smiled. He practiced lots of silence. Brilliant. "This is difficult, but no, we're not going to buy it today. Give us your name and number, and if we do buy it, we would like to buy it from you." We made it! Close call.

A few days later, we called the number. We were ready. We exchanged calls and planned our purchase trip. Meshaun was with another customer. He was making a sale, focused as he should be on his customer. We waited. Waited. Grew tired. Waited. "Hey, we'll come back tomorrow and catch you then." He protested some, promised it wouldn't be much longer, but we assured him we'd be back.

We went back the next day at lunch time. We didn't see him. Another salesperson said, "He's here. I'll let him know you're here if I see him." Really? You're not going to go look for him? Nope, he wasn't, and neither did the next person we asked. Simply amazing. So, we called his cell, left a message, waited a few minutes, and left for lunch. We heard from him a couple hours later apologizing that he'd missed us. At this point, we were over our enthusiasm, and considered not purchasing again. He called two more times, so we went again that evening. He sold more than we planned to buy. We bought, and felt happy about our purchase decision. I explained the customer service scenario we faced trying to locate him in the store. He asked if we'd please talk to the manager about our experience. "I really want my customers to have a good experience. 

Christmas Eve morning: There was a last minute decision to purchase a gift. I went to see Meshaun. He greeted me, I made the purchase, and after the sale, Meshaun started talking a bit. I was floored at the story that unfolded. I asked a few clarifying questions, but this is what he said.

"I still have to get my 13 year old daughter a gift. I was sorta grumbling this morning about having to work, but as my roommate was leaving for his dialysis treatement, I got perspective. God's been really good to me. I mean really good to me. I've been blessed in huge ways. I really trust God.

You know, I actually live at the Center for the Homeless. I also work part time in a local factory. I got divorced about five years ago. My daughter lives in Holland, MI, but there's no work there. I went back to Memphis about 3 years ago to care for my mother when she was sick. After she got better, I came back to this area to be closer to my daughter. The Center for the Homeless has a transitional program; I don't have addictions or anything like that. I got an opportunity to buy a car for $100 that was donated. It was a huge blessing for me. It wasn't much but it was great for me.

God's just really been good to me. When I trust God, when I really let go of trying to make things happen, it goes so much better.  When I first got here, I was desperate for transportation, and I bought a bike. I wasn't listening to God. I just had to have that bike, and I made it happen. The bike got stolen. I was ticked. God's my best friend. I try to talk to him and listen a lot. Well, I let him know how I angry I was. Yeah, that's when I got the oppportunity to get the car for $100. I really need to listen to God. I know that I can trust him. 

I've been doing so well. I just got an opportunity to get my dream car. It's a 2001 Honda. I love it. I wasn't sure what to do with my $100 car. I still have it. A guy asked me today if he could borrow it to go visit his daughter for Christmas. I let him borrow it. I'm going to sign the title over to him. I've been blessed. He's gonna be blessed.

I'm really trying to listen to God. You gotta have a personal relationship with God; it's all about really listening. I was thinking that I'm ready to move out into my own place. It's not yet though. They have this weather amnesty program at the homeless center where they let all the people in from the streets. They're sleeping everywhere. I got an opportunity to talk to some guys, encourage them, so I know God still wanted me there for that. I'm sorry. I'm taking all your time. I guess I just needed to talk."

No. I guess I just needed to listen. It was a great Christmas gift!  

What do you believe?

"I'm repulsive."

"I'm a disappointment. I'm a failure."

"I've discarded people. I've treated them like garbage. I hate myself."

On this side of what people believe, a few come to talk to me. The ones I see are simply voicing the concerns for the thousands who believe these same things but never take the step to talk to a counselor. These people are around you too. "We long for light but sink into darkness, long for brightness but stumble through the night," Isaiah 59:9.

I'm praying for them this morning. Who and what does God need me to be in their life? What does God want me to reflect to them? Can God trust me? Can God depend on me? I'm going to have to listen well. I'll have to connect well with God to be prepared, to stand ready, for who he places in my path. 

I can only bring me. You can only bring you. It's God's plan. Love God. Love one another.

On the other side of what people believe, a few circle back to let me know what they're finding. There are many finding their way, discovering that they matter, that they are loved. 

"I am worthy. I am letting God love me. I'm trusting him with my past, present, and future. I know what I am to do. I know how I am to think and act. I know not to do things based on how I feel. What I do matters. I matter."

It's a wonderful gift. Christmas is the reminder. Celebrate it well!

3 Most Important Questions

GCC Teaching Pastor is only one title for Dr. Bob Laurent. All descriptors fall short. You have to experience him. When you do, you better have something to write with. I did! Here's some of my notes from sitting under his teaching at the December Journey Class, Giving Yourself Away in Every Season.

When is the most important time?

- Now. It's the only time when you have power. It's a crazy world; that's why I need God to hold onto hope.

Who are the most important people?

- Whoever is in your life right now. You can't pray difficult people out of your life.

- Christianity is all about others. It's not about us. God didn't create hell. Sin created hell; there has to be a place where life is all about you.

- I want to be a part of a church that isn't here to meet my needs. I am glad to be in and want to be part of a church that gets me ready to go out to meet the needs of others. All holiness is social holiness.

 What is the most important thing to do at all times?

- Serve others. Have the mind of Christ. Take captive every thought. Don't have that silly fight, or say those nasty words. Don't play their game or use their weapons. There's a perspective that can help you have the mind of Christ.  

- If you see God at the top of the pecking order, the top rung, you spend your time worrying about being good enough, measuring up; you are focused on yourself, you're own behavior. This perspective can ruin your life.

- If you see God as a servant, you will be so humbled, you'll only focus on him.

Reality v Blame, Part 2

When life is painful, people tend to stop looking for ways to move forward. Instead, we often look for who to blame. It's really common, and it keeps us stuck. 

1. Many want to focus just on their past mistakes, "I'm here because I've been bad, bad, bad. I'm just bad." They blame themselves.

2. Many want to focus on the mistakes of others, "I'm here because they're bad, bad, bad. They're just bad." They blame others.

3. Many blame God. Blaming God gets all tangled up with blaming ourselves and others. "Why did God make me this way? Why did God make them this way? Why did God make this happen?"

4. Many blame Satan. "I'm just under attack from Satan." Also known as, "The devil made me do it."

That pretty much sums up all the blame categories that I hear. Respective to those listed above, here's what reality looks like:

• You are human. With various explanations, you made choices. God has already forgiven you. Accept it. Learn from it. Follow Jesus. Do the next right thing. 
• Others are human. With various explanations, they made choices. You are powerless to change them, to make them apologize or know the pain they've caused. They can not heal you. God can.
• God does not create evil. Sin creates evil. People make bad choices, and it brings bad consequences. Things that don't appear to be caused by personal choice like cancer, hurricanes, etc., we don't get to know; we don't get to understand. We are not God. God is love. God is good.
• Satan is not omnipotent, omniscient, nor omnipresent -- he is not God. We are human. We make bad decisions that bring bad consequences. Satan loves blame and to be blamed. Blame keeps us stuck in pain. Satan is active, but he has no power if we follow Jesus.  

Although the answers are simple, they're not easy. Reality is where we find freedom to become all God created us to be. It requires that we be anchored in God's love.

Reality v Blame, Part 1

An effective way to make sense of the present is to look at the family system of our childhood. As we look at the reality of how we were parented, it is often avoided with this common response, "I don't want to blame my parents. I don't want to feel badly about them. They did the best they could."  

Blame focused on others can lead to bitterness and resentment. People fear what will happen if they look at their parents honestly, so they avoid it. They remain stuck in their present situations.  

Parenting is difficult. Parents, all parents, fall short with their children. Parents do stupid stuff. Parents make mistakes. Parents sin. We can blame parents or we can accept that they're human. When we don't accept that they're human, we blame ourselves. Blame focused inwardly leads to shame, which also keeps people stuck. 

We do stupid stuff. We make mistakes. We sin. We can blame ourselves or we can accept that we're human. When we don't accept that we're human, we try to save, fix, and heal ourselves; we fail, and yes, then blame ourselves further! 

• Accepting that we're human is directly related to accepting that others are human. Accepting that others are human is directly related to accepting that we are human.
• Accepting that we're human is directly related to accepting love from Jesus.  
• Accepting love from Jesus is directly related to loving others.

We have a Savior, Jesus, who can save, fix, and heal. Reality: humans need a Savior. 

How did I get here?

I had the honor of attending the dedication of Stephanie Johnson's home for her and her 3 kids from Habitat for Humanity. I've never seen anyone happier to sign a mortgage! 

About 7 years ago, her life was in a ditch. Year in a state mental hospital, lost her children, and approved for Social Security as unemployable.

She is steady and rooted as she now works with at-risk teens. She has had her kids back for several years, and is a great mom! She works mulitple jobs and is responsible with what God gives her.

What do you do when you feel like you've tried everything, the experts have tried everything, and your life is still a mess? "God, you're my only hope," was Stephanie's only prayer for over a year.

God did his part. Stephanie did her part. She is not only faithful, but she's intelligent and she's wise. These are her words.

I find myself tempted to think about "steps."
How did I get here from there?

There's always a temptation to hold onto the way, rather than to hold onto Jesus.

Israel was given a way. A way to return to trust and dependence on the One True God.
Isreal, like many religions, and like me, gave into the temptation to rely on themselves and their way. They lost sight of the God who created them. They lost sight of the God who created the way.

The truth is, everyone has a next step towards Christ.
Whatever that step may be, God is faithful.
YHWH meets us in Grand and Miraculous ways.
My desire is to abandon myself to the reality that: All I can do is take one more step.

This is a beautiful story of a life redeemed, but God keeps revealing an ever more beautiful layer. Stephanie writes and delivers the content for our View Point groups. More people will continue to find their way as she points them toward Jesus. I'm grateful for her life and that it's crossed mine!

Below the Surface

The beliefs that motivate behavior can be startling.

"I've come to 1st Wednesday a couple times. I don't want to go too often. After I take communion, it sets me up to be a hypocrite. I don't like to go because then I'm just setting myself up to feel bad again. It's a cleansing, right?"

This person believed that once they accepted communion, they were not supposed to sin again. No wonder they avoided communion if it's a catalyst for shame! It was difficult for them to grasp that communion is a time to celebrate and remember what Jesus has already done for us.

I met with a seminary student to talk about our church for a paper he was writing. He asked, "So, as you have seen large numbers of people attracted to how you communicate about Jesus, do you experience what other churches experience? People attend church regularly for a while and then they drift away?"

We absolutely experience that, and we invest many hours trying to find solutions. It's worthwhile to search for more effective methods. At the same time, there is no perfect method. People will continue to exercise their free will, and they will continue to hold belief systems that we can't see; these beliefs lead them to behaviors that take them away from the church and from Jesus.

From just looking at people, it's hard to tell what's below the surface. It takes an investment of time and care to hear their stories.