Because Relationships Matter

I got it...

I received this story in an email from a 30 year-old in our church ...

"I had an amazing revelation today.

While giving my dad a ride home from work, I was trying to make conversation. So, I told him about how I am training to run a mini marathon. I am pretty excited about it. I haven't wanted to tell him because I know that he will just 'rain on my parade'. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him. The first thing out of his mouth was, 'You won't be able to do that.'

This is my father. Everyone that I've told has encouraged me, but not my own father. Can I be upset? I knew that he would try to dash my hope, but I told him anyway.

Well, I've been feeling pretty bummed about it. As I've been trying to spend time with God, I felt prompted to write a letter to my Dad. I'm not going to send the letter because my dad has expressed no interest in knowing how I feel, but writing it out was very helpful for me.

When I finished, I looked for scriptures to help me make sense of things, and I really meditated on them. While meditating, I realized that I am worthy, useful, and capable of doing anything. My life is not empty. I have so much. I have done so much. It might not be what my dad would call 'good enough'. But it's not nothing. And I have done most of it without him. In fact, most of it has been in spite of him. I have given my life to Christ. That is big. And I did it without him or his approval. I don't need his approval. I don't need his encouragement either. I have something way better than that. I have the death of Jesus Christ that says that I am worthy. I really wanted to let you know."

And I'm so glad to know! It's hard to tell when or if people will have ''ears to hear or eyes to see" how much they matter to God. This person, like so many others, has taken a lot of steps, in groups, in volunteering, in classes, persistantly, consistently...and we keep wondering. When will they get it? When will they see what's right in front of them?

It's just so cool when they do!

Slowing

The cure for being hurried is slowing. So, that's what I did for the past few days. Jeff & I made a round trip to Maryland this weekend to see our son and daughter-in-law. They've moved on from this picture taken at their wedding to get all settled with jobs and have purchased their first home.

Yes, some may question how that equates with slowing down, but it's something you have to personalize. 

Jeff & I enjoy car trips. He enjoys driving, and I enjoy navigating. It gives us time to talk, read, sleep (mostly I sleep while Jeff drives), see how efficient we can get with the fewest number of stops...ok, so even if it's odd, we're odd together, so it's good! 

Besides the 9 hours each way, we got to spend a couple great evenings with Jeff and Bri, share the excitement of their new home, spend a couple nights on an inflatable mattress which has to make you chuckle, watch the Notre Dame game, and generally do whatever comes next.

As we enter this final week of Journey for this month, we'll look at what to expect in the practice of solitude. Slowing has to precede solitude, so I hope you'll join me at intentional slowing.

Done.

I've been more hurried this past 2 weeks than I've been in a very long time. It's always busy, but busy doesn't have to = hurried. 

This is what hurried looks like.I've been behind a stupidly high amount of very slow-driving people (use the accelerators!), stopped at a ridiculously high number of red lights, spilled more cups of coffee than I can count, and I've felt my shoulders raised to somewhere around the top of my ears!

It finally got my attention last night when I was still at work 2 hours after I'd planned to leave. An email reply that should have taken a few minutes to write took me 20 minutes. When I realized that I was starting to cry sitting at my keyboard, it hit me. Stop. You're not helping anyone.

I passed my very perceptive friend, Kim Volheim, who said, "You ok? You look a little unsettled." I affirmed, "Exhausted." That was all I could say. I walked away. It was less than a second that he saw me; I had it bad.

How did this happen in the midst of talking for three weeks on solitude? I just had a week of vacation a couple weeks ago! This hasn't happened to me for a very long time. I don't know if the purpose is to keep my humble or keep me as the lead learner, but I am both. I'm unplugged until Monday. I even left my laptop at the office -- very big move, so no temptations! Done.

Within a couple hours of being home with Jeff, I was laughing, and already feeling better. Yes, it was 3:14 when I decided to stop lying awake with all this running through my head, but I was back sleeping soundly by 4:00. So, it's now 7 a.m., and I'm looking forward to a couple great days with my husband to center on things that really matter. I'll be ready for Monday on Monday...looking forward to that too!

Five Minutes with God

"I want five minutes with God. I have some questions! Why did he make us like this anyway? I am so tired of not knowing what to do. What's the right thing to do with my kids, in my relationships, with my job? Why doesn't he just tell us what we're supposed to do? He knows! He made us."

I asked, "So, did you get it? The five minutes with God?"

"No. I'm just so angry. I'm really angry at God. I prayed for my marriage to be saved. I prayed for my ex to change. I mean I believe, but I don't know what to believe. It's like everything I believed about God is just a lie."

Sometimes it's clear that people ask questions, but they aren't ready to hear the answers. Have you ever tried to listen, really listen when you're angry? It doesn't work. Anger is often a secondary emotion; it follows hurt.

Read the conversation again. There's hurt behind that anger. The hurt of a failed marriage. The hurt of raising kids. Hurt is a reality of life. Hurt is hard to accept.

This person wasn't really asking for answers. I tried to listen well. I had so much I wanted to say, and I know I said a little too much in the continuing conversation. I hope not too much. I felt God nudging me to shut up. It took me a couple sentences to surrender to it.

It needs to be ok for people to feel angry. We need to listen and let them know they matter. It's hard to be quiet. Oh...duh. God's good at knowing what to say and when to say it. God's good at waiting.

God loves. God listens. God speaks. We'll talk more this Wednesday at Journey creating the space to listen.

Hold on and Cultivate

I've attended church most of my life. It was at GCC that I experienced Jesus regularly at services. Incredible! Jesus is attractive. He attracts crowds.

Outside of services, I started to be intentional to read the Bible, pray, volunteer, and I found Jesus there too. Great! 

Over time, the level of emotion I felt started to fade. It got stale. Something changed. It wasn't new. What had been incredible and great became same old stuff...sad. It kind of felt like something was missing. 

It wasn't Jesus. He didn't change. It wasn't the church. Although every service is different, our message never changes. As Mark Beeson has said, all we ever talk about is "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..."It was me.

I have watched dozens -no, hundreds- go through a similar pattern. They find services incredible! They take steps that are great! And then it starts fading. They sometimes go to other churches or try other things to get the emotions that are incredible and great again. Lots of times they don't bother. If people expect GCC (or any church) to be responsible for their experience with Jesus, they will be disappointed.

Seriously, aren't we, humans, the problem? Marriage, kids, friends, job, church, Jesus -- we simply like things to be new, and the more we experience something, the more conditioned we get to the emotions that come with it. We want incredible and great! That's not a bad thing.

It's about setting our expectations to reality, and then cultivating the experiences in those relationships to keep them fresh. Relationships worth holding onto, the ones that go the distance, the ones we invest the most in, are those that transition over an extended period of time. They are incredible and great! 

Let that vine cling to me for safety. let if find a good and whole life with me, let it hold on for a good and whole life. Isaiah 27:5

Solitude

"Hurry up! Slow down."

"What???"

"Hurry up and get all this stuff done, so that you can slow down."

"Thanks for explaining that. It makes perfect sense. Will it really work that way?"

"Not so much. But I want it to."

"Ok. So, you're deluding yourself."

"Pretty much."

"At least your honest about it."

"Yeah. I figure it counts for something."

I'd like to introduce you to Me. That's the dialogue that goes on inside my head as I wrestle with the pace of life! It's crazy, but it's me.

I know the value of solitude, of finding a place to quiet my mind, to replenish and renew my connection to who God has created me to be. I have practiced it often for several years. It's amazing!

I also know the danger of velocity, of going so fast to get everything done, to solve every problem in a vacuum of self-sufficiency. It's horrifying! 

Even though I still experience both, I have to wrestle myself with the discipline to make solitude happen. It's worth it.

I'm looking forward to talking with you about Solitude at October Journey classes. Hmm...we're coming together to talk about Solitude. Well, that makes it a perfect fit for Me. Think about it. 

Being the Church

This is Darnell with Mark Beeson when we had an opportunity to recognize her a couple years ago. She leads a team of volunteers who make hospital visits. They pastor to our guests and their families, and they are an amazing group of people!

Over the past few weeks, we've had a couple members pass away while in the hospital. On both occasions, these incredible volunteers were present in times of crisis to offer care to the families.

One man was so grateful to have someone with him as his wife passed. Another family saw our volunteer as an angel who arrived in perfect timing to offer them comfort.

Our staff team simply could not provide all the love and care that these great leaders offer so graciously!

The local church is truly the Church when people love one another.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 1 Peter 3:8

Stop chasing. Let it go!

At Innovate last week, I met with a some church leaders to talk about Groups. (If you weren't there, you should come next year - it rocked!) As I spoke, I saw expressions of tipped heads and furrowed brows that communicated confusion. One of them spoke.

"Wait a minute. I need to try to make sense of what I'm hearing. So you have these group environments: Financial Peace University, Starting Point, Turning Point, and View Point. You also have existing groups that meet on their own besides these. I'm not hearing that you spend much time with your existing groups, but that's where we're spending most of our time. Is that what you're saying?"

Great! They heard me! I explained that we couldn't get existing group leaders to talk with us. They would seldom respond to emails, voice mails, snail-mail, requests for information...nothing. Silence. We'd chase them to see what day they were meeting on, how often they were meeting, who was in their group now, what they were studying or talking about, etc., etc.  

All church leaders were now excitedly nodding and agreeing that this was their experience too! The confusion was gone, except...this is where many group ministries are still at. I hate that so many are still struggling with this! It burns out great leaders serving in group ministry.

Our group leaders lack of responsiveness wasn't a demonstration of apathy. It demonstrated that we as ministry leaders didn't get it! We were not communicating how much they mattered to the life of our church. We changed.

We stopped chasing our group leaders several years ago and freed them to do what they do well and were already doing: loving one another! Hear me clearly: These are GREAT leaders! We trust them. They are caring and leading and loving on one another all over the body of our church!

As a member of our staff team, I only have so many hours a day to lead well. I believe in what we do and where we're going, and I want to spend every minute of every day pulling with all I have toward that goal! 

Seriously. Am I gonna ask my leadership to hire additional staff so that I can get better data about what day existing groups meet, how often, attendance, or what they are studying? Even if we did choose to hire more people to get that data, and some churches do, they still have a challenge collecting it! Trying to control what we can't control is, well...I won't say it. I have a lot of energy on this subject. I just don't think it's helpful for what God wants us to do.  

Creating the best environments we can so that people who don't have God-honoring relationships with others can find them is how we spend our time. I believe it's what God wants us to do. 

Letting go is counter-intuitive. Everything about Jesus is.