Ecclesiastes 3:7 includes the guidance that there's 'a right time to shut up and another to speak up'.
At one of our groups, one frustrated person spoke in generalizations that were insensitive to many others around the table. The words weren't directed at these people;the hurt was not intentional. The facilitator noticed. No one in the group made a directly responsive comment; the conversation continued to flow.
The facilitator said afterward, "I knew I should say something! I just didn't know what to say." There was an opportunity to place a humble phone call to all those in the group, "I made a mistake. It's my job to provide a safe experience, and I failed to say anything last night when..." Several had noticed the words spoken. A few acknowledged the hurtfullness, but they were gracious to their leader and to the person who misspoke. The call from their facilitator communicated care. People matter.
The facilitator met with the peson who misspoke. The person then recognized their mistake, and there was regret. The facilitator communicated grace. They went on to talk individually about how this failure to be sensitive to the needs of others in this group might be reflective of how this person is seen by their spouse and their co-workers. (That is the power of group at it's best for personal change!)
The person who misspoke told the facilitator, "Thank you. Thank you for caring enough about me to do this, to talk with me, to have this conversation. I respect you. I am really grateful." The investment of time and the willingness to be uncomfortable communicated care. People matter.
When I don't know what to do, I ask myself, "Do I love this person enough to be uncomfortable myself?" This isn't license to sit everyone in your sphere of influence down to give them your opinion. That's self-righteous! These conversations come from a place of humility. It is the action of loving one another.
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