Because Relationships Matter

Create the atmoshphere

This week is the last Journey class on Communication. Since Jesus told us to Love God and then to Love one another, I've been talking about communication through the framework of love.

In all of our efforts to communicate well, we're reminded that we can't change people. We are 100% responsible for our own behavior 100% of the time.

When we stop blaming others for our problems, and we stop reacting to the problems of others, where does that leave us? I'm often asked, "So, what do I do - just give up on the person I love?" Nope. You change.

We can't change people, but we can create an atmosphere for people to change. 

Back in May, 2007, I wrote this: "People are most likely to change when they are accepted right where they are at. Jesus doesn't ask us to 'clean up' before he accepts us, and he doesn't accept us with the condition that we will change. Change happens in response to acceptance." if you want the whole post, it's here. 

Love really matters. It's my favorite topic, so I'm looking foward to it! 

Limits

I take a Pilates Reformer class on Friday mornings. This morning, I was in a position similar to this photo; I thought, "I think I can go higher." I was wrong. I felt something in my lower back, and it wasn't good.

I am used to long hours on Mondays and Wednesdays; but because of the Hillsong concert this week, we had a long Tuesday too. I thought, "I think I can keep up this pace." I was wrong. While my brain is typically full of illustrations, it was about empty when I spoke at Journey class on Wednesday night. People were kind, but really, it wasn't good. 

Limits are so, well, limiting. I know they are helpful, but when I'm trying to achieve something, I don't really like them much.

Limits draw my attention first to the reality of who I am. Limits then draw my attention to the reality of who God is. It humbles me. We have a big God! 

Psalm 147:3-6 He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and assigns each a name. Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we'll never comprehend what he knows and does. 

Poison

When I was biking last summer, an oncoming motorist, the sole one on the rode with me, moved to an empty driving lane to avoid hitting me. As he went by, he flipped me off! Seriously. How angry do you have to be? How much poison of bitterness is in that heart?

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." The Message translate, "Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts." 

Tomorrow night at the Journey Class on Communication, I'm talking about the need to make sense of what's inside of us. 

When we are angry, what's inside of us can get twisted up. When we try to tell someone else, especially the person that we see as the cause of the anger, it can seem nearly impossible!

People say, "We started talking about it, and I don't know what happened. It blew up! It got really ugly." It's a pretty good descriptor -- reactive words and emotions fly all over the place!

In some of our best attempts to love one another, we hurt each other. What is up with that? 

There are some fairly common patterns of how we process information, and some pretty straightforward methods to better understand what happens inside of us. 

Having difficult conversations and being kind are not mutually exclusive. Love is kind.      

  

Safety First

Our teaching this weekend will focus on the value of community. Loving one another is a high priority for God. It's a high priority for us.

We'll be inviting people to Monday night is Group Night: Starting Point for Singles, View Point, or Starting Point for Elkhart are the groups currently available.

Meeting new people is difficult. So, we're always thinking about ways to make it safer for people to get to know one another. The beginning moments - the ones where first impressions happen are critical.

During the time when people begin sitting at tables before we begin and the first 10 minutes are horribly quiet and uncomfortable. People don't know each other. It felt scary walking toward a table. 

We tried something new that worked well! We separated men and women at the very beginning. When they sat down, we asked them to introduce themselves to the others at the table, and begin immediately to think of some questions that they didn't think the other sex could answer - we had a short 'battle of the sexes' challenge.

The difference was amazing! They were talking, laughing, and so as new people entered, it created a completely different feel! It felt safe.

Personally, I don't care for games, but this was very fun! (Samples of what they created: Who is Oprah's best friend? Who is the new quarterback for the Bears? What is the all-time, best-selling perfume?) It gave people who had just met an instant focus for connection.

I was reading in the Bible this morning in the book of Joshua. God put a lot of emphasis on creating asylum cities - places where people would have a safe place. God really cares about people. People matter to God. People matter to us.

The tension of significance

A lot of us don't get just how much influence we have. We see ourselves as insignificant, "It doesn't matter what I say to you; I'm never good enough." It's like a child trying to earn approval from a parent.  

On the other hand, a lot of us think we have way more influence than we have. We see ourselves as powerfully significant, "If you would do what I am telling you, I will be better (happy, loved, peaceful, etc.) It's like a parent trying to control a child. 

This a big communication problem inside of our relationships. We are adults, even though we don't always feel or act like it. (Also, when working with kids or teens, it's critical to treat them respectfully as if they were adults; yes, even though they may be acting like brats.

Communication is about significance. There is a tension between recognizing how much you matter and how much others matter. If you go too far in either direction, communication problems happen. I'll be talking about this and more for the next 3 weeks at Journey Classes.

If you have no communication challenges, (besides the reality that you may be a liar) make sure you attend one of the other great choices!  

Do you Remember?

I'm sorry Jesus. I got caught up in a beautiful day yesterday, trying to take a day of rest with my husband. I failed to take any time yesterday to just reflect on remembering Good Friday. I don't want to rush past what you did.

What's that like for you? Are you like us? When you remember things, is it like you were there again? Do you feel the pain again? Do you remember the fear and agony of that day? What do you remember?

I remember you. I remember how much I love you. I remember how much you matter to me. I remember. I remember that I trusted my dad to know what he was doing. I remember that it was his will. I remember. I remember the plan. Forgive them for they don't know what they are doing. I remember.

I know you're alive. I know that death couldn't beat you. I know you're on the throne. I know you're King Jesus. I know. I want to serve you and honor you. 

Thank you for helping me remember. Thank you! 

Get your Hillsong Tickets!

I'm either a severe procrastinator, or I try to fit too many tasks into a day. Either way, buying my own Hillsong tickets has been on my to do list for too many days!

My plan: if I blog about it urging you to get them, my husband may read it, and he'll go online to buy them for us. Now, I'm either seriously lazy or noticably manipulative....sigh - just get your tickets. As soon as I hit "Publish", I'm doing it!

You can order them here. See you there! Really - going to buy them Right Now!

Turning Point - Sounds like it's helping

From our first Turning Point of 2009, in their own words, this is what they found really helpful about their 10 week group experience.

To see what I'm responsible for and what I'm not. Helped my husband and me communicate.
The guys helped me to answer some of my own questions.
How not to feel guilty.
I could listen and learn from others and receive valuable feedback.
I really loved developing relationships.
I learned so much about the "why" of what I do and the choices I make.  I've begun to get a more clear picture of myself (rather than living a delusional lifestyle.)
To be real with the people at my table.
It helped me to bring down my walls.
It helped me gain a large amount of  insight about myself and my behavior in all my relationships!
The conversation of the group provoked insightful reflection for myself.
The book. The feedback. The support from my group.
To learn that I am not alone. To become aware of the things that I continuously do and change them. To know that my opinions matter.
Just to hear different view points that I can put into my life.
It has taught me many different ways to handle life situations.
Meeting new people who have shared experiences. A place to get all my bad patterns out & support to get through the bad times.
It made me recognize things about myself that I was unaware of.
I truly believe that this helped save my marriage.
Knowing that I'm not the only person with issues in my life.
I learned how to take charge of my life.
To open up.
It gave me the impetus to reclaim myself and continue to work on my marriage.
I realize the patterns in my life from past family influence. It's helped me realize what I need to learn to grow closer to my spouse.
I'm finding why I kind of matter to God.

 

We know what we hope people discover, but it's always great to know what they actually experience!