No matter how good your training materials are for group leaders, you can't beat what people learn for themselves! This is what a facilitator wrote to me this week.
"...I should just listen more. Honestly? I think the reason I sometimes talk too much is to show how much I (think I) know about pain and how to get over it...yadda, yadda. Which leads me into what I'm discovering about myself in this role. The first couple of meetings I found myself offering little tidbits of my past (just to get the momentum going and to get people to open up more) and how when I said things like 'when I realized this' or 'recovered from that', it was usually after someone else's similar story. I bit my lip the next time because I realized it might sound like I was one-upping everyone in the group. Then later, like the next week I found myself thinking, 'Is that it?! Is that all you are having to deal with and you're acting like this?' and/or 'why don't you just buck up and get on with life?' I'm not always that compassionless, but that is what I was thinking.
Which led me to understand my revelation about myself. I have been through a lot of stuff in my life. I mean tons of stuff. I have come to the conclusion that I have an ability to work through things, learn and grow from it and then get on with life. I have a strength to overcome and go on that I now know not all people have. That my level of tenacity is not in everyone, and that I need to be more willing to make myself vulnerable to their needs and to their pain. That this will in fact create more love and compassion in myself which will grow me even more. It could make me more approachable and less intimidating for some. I just love what God is doing with me, and to think I've been a 'Christian' for about 20 years now. I've been doing the majority of this growth in only the last two years or so."
You can't teach this stuff. Create space for people to learn.
ohhhh, good stuff here. thanks for sharing this one
Posted by: Rindy | February 23, 2008 at 09:20 PM
I truly agree with this statement, not all of us have the ability to overcome major issues and move on. I believe, as I have been shown, the 1st step is recognition then addmiting, then overcome and move on to help others. For me, I find I enjoy listening to people. I pray that some day I can truly be there for someone with an open heart and truly show them God's love.
Posted by: Elaine Collins | February 23, 2008 at 09:58 PM
Great post Kathy! I have yet to find you not compassionate. You just made me think about what I do... I mean I wonder if I say things not meaning to that have an underlying message. GEEEE... I think I need to be more cautious of what I say, when I am blabbin hoping to help I may be hurting. YUCK! But I can tell you from my expierience in a small group with you, I was very comfortable and thought your insight was always very helpful and encouraging!
Posted by: Miki | February 24, 2008 at 09:56 PM