Gift Fit

"The church won't let me use my spiritual gift." I instinctively take a deep sigh when I hear this. I don't want to hurt the person with my words or tone of voice.

After Paul talks about spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12, he acknowledge that we all want to play an important role. He ends the chapter by saying, "Let me tell you a better way - the most excellent way." Chapter 13 is the love chapter that is read at weddings. It ends with "...faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." I'd like to point to that message, but it's not a time when people are in a place to hear. Here's what I have found most effective for the difficult message to deliver.

• Ask questions: How did you to learn these are your spiritual gifts? What do you enjoy most? What have others told you they enjoy most? Nine times out of ten, the gift is not actively being affirmed by others.
• Be honest. You can try a gentle approach encouraging them to volunteer in another way, but they will recognize your diversion tactic. They have a goal and they see you and the church as the roadblock. Detours are not effective. Go direct. "I'm sorry, but I do not see you as a fit for this volunteer role."
• The person with humility may display a genuine interest in how you experience them. Tell them directly and kindly. It is more likely you will see pride or hurt. If they cry, let them experience that pain with you present. If they want to debate with you, don't take the bait! Repeat as needed: "You will not be able to serve in that volunteer role." Dangling carrots of hope for the future isn't helpful. If they change, you will notice.

A few storm off in anger, a few write letters, a few cry, but there are also a few who appreciate the candid feedback. They are trying to find significance. It's respectful to be truthful.

Comments

[Andrew Conard]

Kathy - Great post, I appreciate your thoughts and the recognition that it is most respectful to be truthful. I have a current situation where this is going to be helpful. Thanks!

[Dan Clark]

Kathy,

I am curious does this happen often? I was aware that we have trouble getting people to serve. I wasn't aware of this type of issue. Is there any example that you could share (without names of course? Just wondering. Keep up the good work!

[Kathy Guy]

Dan,

It happens often enough that planning for the most helpful way to respond makes sense. Serving is about others. We discover our significance by seeing how God can use us to help others. We respond to God's love for us by serving others. It is often difficult "getting people to serve" because they don't understand their purpose - their worth and value to God - that they can make a difference.

This post is about those people who have a heightened sense of their importance to God. While they really do matter, we all matter. They are looking to be raised above others as "See, I'm special. Notice me." It really happens in all areas at various times. As you can imagine, it's a delicate conversation to maneuver in a God-honoring way.

We have thousands of volunteers who get it - they help other experience who God is and how much they matter to Him! You are one of those people! Thank you!

[Kristin Baker]

We've been dealing with this in the Arts quite bit. Thanks for the great reminder.