Find me a friend, Part 1

"I need to find someone who will hold me accountable. I need a spiritual mentor." The idea is good, but it won't work if it's forced or artificial.

People come to us, the church, with the request to "find me a friend." At GCC, we don't accept that responsibility.

What do we tell them? How do people find that person? Here's an excerpt from a response I recently wrote to someone on this topic.

"1) Focus on creating natural friendships rather than holding auditions for people to be your spiritual mentor. When the friendship is grounded in trust, it can develop into a relationship to care for one another through accountability. We create spaces for you to enter where you can get to know others and let yourself be known. Volunteer, check out a group, attend an event or serve the community with others.

2) Accountability is often defined as "You ask me what I've done, I confess my sins, and then you agree to pray for me while I agree to try harder to do better." It is self-defeating and reinforces shame and defeat. In the book No Perfect People Allowed, John Burke refers to an image of running partners. People encouraging one another, helping the other up when they stumble, and cheering each other on.

These are the images of relationship that will be most helpful as you enter environments to meet people."

Comments

[Doug Napier]

I have always referred to accountability as "providing some one with something they can't provide for themselves." I had a youth pastor that couldn't loose weight. Rather than just pray with him, I got us both a gym membership and met him 3 times a week. I called him (repeatedly) if he didn't show up. That was accountability!