Because Relationships Matter

Do you have your four friends? Do you?

I love Mark Beeson's telling of the Bible story about four people who had a paralyzed friend who couldn't get to Jesus. They loved their friend, and they knew that Jesus could heal him. The four friends each grabbed a corner of his mat, and they carried him. I refer our people back to Mark's telling of that story...often. I love the challenge he gives to us.

"Do you have four friends you really care about? You really love them! If they needed to get to Jesus, you'd carry them. And if you needed to get to Jesus, they'd carry you."

As the current Turning Point session came to a close, our guests had an opportunity to stay together as a group. We work hard to make it a safe experience. Because we don't want people to feel manipulated, we give them plenty of opportunity to choose.

I wondered...do I make it so easy for people to exit that they hear, "whatever you decide is fine"? As if I don't see the value myself in people choosing to stay together? That's not what I want to communicate! I tried a different method...the story I see.

So far this year, I have met for 200+ hours with new people in counseling as they tell me their story. I hear stories of huge problems, and people are really hurting. They are often stuck - paralyzed. They need Jesus. I try to carry them. I can't. I can only get one corner of the mat. I can't do it alone. I know they need friends, and they don't have any - or at least they don't have friends who are carrying them toward Jesus.

You've been sitting with these people for 10 weeks, talking and getting to know one another. You need good friends. These might be the people who will carry you to Jesus. You might be the person who will carry them. What you decide to do from this point really matters.

Official letters

I can now put letters behind my name: MS, NCC, LMHC. Few will know what they mean so not a lot of point to use them often. However, I've been waiting...

This ends a 5 year push signified by this little card that came yesterday from the State of Indiana Professional Licensing Agency. I'm pretty excited! (I kind of expected the standard wall certificate, but I learned that's $10. Guess the state wasn't as excited.)

Since the state allows churches to provide counseling without a degree and without licensing, some ask me, "So, what does this do for you?" Two main reasons from my view.

1) I have already seen indicators of how God will use me to help us. (There are government funds available to help the marginalized, but it requires the supervision of a licensed counselor. Go figure!) God uses prepared people to bring heaven to earth. I am ready!

2) Do the next right thing. Look - I hate writing papers, and I'm not a martyr. God made it abundantly clear 6 - 7 years ago that people find my counsel helpful. God's purpose was clear. It is a position of great influence and power in the lives of people. It shook me, and I don't take it lightly. Power without wisdom is dangerous. I want to love well. It's better to be wise than strong; intelligence outranks muscle any day.Strategic planning is the key to warfare; to win, you need a lot of good counsel. Proverbs 24:5-6

In September of 2003, I began the first class in a 3 year program to earn a Master of Science degree in counseling & human services at IUSB. I graduated in May, 2006, to earn the "MS" letters. The rest of them came from the 2 year trek to licensing. Passing the test as a National Certified Counselor was the final requirement to be a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. I'm pretty excited!

"It's a good time to be me."

I met Stephanie three years ago. The mental health system wrote her off years ago. The government had deemed her unemployable. She told me, "I figured if the government says 'You're crazy, you must be crazy.'" Jesus was her only hope; she knew it then, and she knows it now. She is now a great mom to her 3 kids, works 2 jobs to be financially responsible, and is returning to college next month! When I think of someone being transformed by the renewing of their mind, I think of her. I love her!

As she told me on more than a few occasions, "I just really believe Mark Beeson. He said, 'Hold onto Jesus. I know you're tired. Hold on. Don't let go. Keep following Jesus.'" She has not only held tightly to Jesus, but she is hungry. You can't keep her from Jesus!

I'm incredibly grateful for what God is doing in me and in my life. I'm amazed that, little by little, I'm seeing signs of this completely new person. I am at a point right now, where, so much of what I had been hoping for, praying for, working for, searching for, holding on for...is coming together. I don't feel empty any more. I don't feel lost and alone any more. Difficulties and set backs do not seem insurmountable. Just waking up every day to the reality of God's presence and love and knowing that it's more than I could have ever asked for, more than I could have ever imagined if I had gotten everything I ever thought would "fix" it. It overwhelms me. It's a good time to be me.

We're in the midst of lots of change. Stories of changed lives keep us focused on the purpose of it all. Stephanie has moved from living her agenda to living out God's agenda. Obey, give, serve, love...she inspires me. I see God more fully through her. I love her!

More will ask...

"How are these changes going to impact Starting Point and Turning Point?" "Will the Wednesday night classes that focus on marriage, addictions, helping with life stuff, replace Turning Point?" "Do you even need our team of facilitators?"

These are questions that people immediately asked me in response to the brilliantly clear communication by Mark Beeson last night. Make sure you listen to the ENTIRE message here. 

Love God. Love others. Jesus said it. "Helping people take their next step toward Christ...together" describes what we do. Living a Christ centered life matters. Relationships matter. It doesn't happen without relationship. Period.

Annually, 1,600 people (over age 25) enter our smaller relational environments (8 - 12 people) for the purpose of finding friendship, personal change, or study. We see an attrition rate of 20 - 50%. They enter, but they don't stay. Even with tons of changes already made to improve the experience, the most frequently cited reason still remains, "I'm just not ready."

We need a more manageable step for people to enter into personal relationships with God and people. Something between 1,000 people in our services and 8 - 12 people in our group environments. We now have something in between! A plan to help people move closer to God and closer to one another. Love God. Love others.

How is this going to impact Starting Point and Turning Point? Hundreds will come to the mid-week offering and perhaps will then feel "ready" to enter relationship with 8- 12 people!

Will the Wednesday night classes that focus on marriage, addictions, helping with life stuff replace Turning Point? After a 3 week Wednesday night series on any of these topics, hundreds will be convinced they are now "ready" for more. We have a next step ready to go!

Do you even need our team of facilitators? I'm screaming... YES!! Christ centered people reflecting the love of Jesus really matter! Our facilitators lead the way! People know they matter to God when they know they matter to people. We can't do it without our leaders!

Jamesha + muriatic acid + pumus stone

Changing a life is no small task - Jamesha is doing it! She successfully complete Life Basics at the Community Center. She met us at the door with a great smile and welcome to her Home Makeover! She worked hard beside our team as we helped celebrate her graduation.

It was a hot day, and I'm honored she let me snap this picture of her with sweat running down her forehead! She recently graduated from the Life Basics class at the

Personally, I took on the toilet - our public water left this crud.

 

However, thanks to muriatic acid (never used the little smoking wonder before) and pumus stone (Judy Akins allowed me to experience this miracle stone) - voila!

Those little stains still left are only there because the pumus stone dissolved within my fingers during the last scrubbing!

Kathy Wonderly and I partnered for the upstairs area. We were both stretching out some sore muscles later this weekend...but she's smiling!

Mary, Anne, and Pam (our great leader!) were the lower level team. Look at those smiling faces! Rob has mentioned a few times that Pam rocks!

Judy Akins is the Queen of organizing and James Dalton was the sole male on duty working saws and hammers to repair everything and anything he could! This was one of the first Home Makeovers the team has done in South Bend, and it's only the beginning - we're off to a great start!

Self-leadership

i’m not a paid staffer. i’m not even a staffer. i’m a volunteer. a volunteer that’s been extended leadership, responsibility & influence. i encourage, support, & lead a team of men and women who create safe environments for people to connect with community and experience Jesus. while i’m not on staff at gcc and i’m not paid for my service, there are still expectations set for me.

These words were written by Heather VanTuinen. She is a key leader in Turning Point. She leads a team of facilitators, leaders themselves. It is a challenging role. Heather is not just a good leader; she's a great leader! I trust her. I trust her...completely.

What makes a great ministry leader?

• loves Jesus, loves others, loves our church
• humility
• hungry to learn
• asks for help
• passionate
• willing to try even new things she hasn't done before
• willing to make mistakes (critical to the previous quality)
• assesses herself frequently
• accepts she is in need of grace
• extends grace

People often ask me, "How do you identify leaders?" Look for those who are leading themselves well. They don't have to be living perfect lives. In fact, their lives are often a mess. I look at how they respond, what they are learning, and what steps they are taking. I look for people who lead their lives by following Jesus.

God's perfect timing

How does God weave our lives together so intricately? Here's just one example of 2 stories that I've watched God's hand bring together.

Story 1: May, 2006, I met a women at the Women's Retreat. I thought, "She would be a great facilitator at Turning Point." I didn't move forward to invite her as I was told that she guarded her time closely. I saw her several times since then, and always thought of her gentle spirit.

Story 2: December, 2007, a server stopped me at a local restaurant. She recognized me from GCC, and expressed her desire to talk sometime. We did. I encouraged her to attend Turning Point in January, 2008. She signed up but didn't show up. She later told me, "I'm not ready." I saw her several times since then and was encouraged as she continued her journey.

Story 1: May, 2008, the woman from 2 years ago approached me at the Women's Retreat. "I don't know if you remember me." I replied, "Yes, of course, I do!" "I can't really explain it, but I think I'm supposed to get involved. I have a story, and I think it's time to use it more fully to help others." I said, "Done! I would love to have you serve at Turning Point. We launch in 2 weeks. You'll be a great facilitator, and I wanted to ask you two years ago. I'm thrilled!"

Stories 1 & 2 converge: May 13, 2008, Turning Point launch. The Story 1 facilitator arrives, we chat, and she goes to her table waiting to welcome those who will come. Story 2 lady walks in to register. I greet her with surprise, "I'm so glad you're here!" She told me, "Yeah, I think I'm ready to give it a try." "Great! You know what? I have a facilitator who has a story that is very similar to yours. She's been where you've been. Would you like me to introduce you?" She nodded. I've seen them together many times since - it's beautiful.

Until that moment on May 13, 2008, the similarities in their stories never crossed my mind. Obviously, they never left God's mind. He timed their meeting so perfectly, I couldn't miss it!

Thanks God for giving me eyes to see what you're up to! You're really good, and you really love all of us! Thank you! 

No Sacred Cows

One purpose of groups is to help people move forward in relationship with one another. Attendance is a key measurement. When it declines, we look for possible solutions and start adjusting.

Over the last 2+ years of Starting Point, we've made changes to nearly everything: how we group people, frequency, location, questions and content, and too many more to list. Adjust - measure - adjust - measure. Methodical change for improvement sake is consistent with who we are at GCC.

The most recent Starting Point change is to the opportunity we give groups to serve together. We noticed that attendance drops that week, and we lose momentum. We've tried promoting it differently at the launch, scheduling it so that groups know one another better at this point, but the changes didn't work. If people take a step to meet people in groups, we've concluded they may not be ready for this next step to serve together. We're shifting it from being the focus of one of our six meetings to being a "bonus opportunity".

Personally, I hate this reality. I love serving! As a volunteer I made some tough decisions about where I would spend the limited hours I had. Did I want to serve people inside our walls through groups or outside our walls through mission? I love both! These pictures are from this past Second Saturday.

                                                                              (Photos by Tim Bath)                                            I believe that serving together is a GREAT WAY to build group relationships! When you serve together, you see people differently. People who are typically reserved in conversation often lead when it comes to physical activity. Those who are constant talkers are a little more reserved in situations that are new to them. Groups connect in different ways when they serve others.

With all that said, we care more about people than our personal interests. Love God. Love others. Sometimes that means laying down things we personally hold dear in order to offer acceptance and meet people where they're at. Hold loosely to programming and hold tightly to Jesus.   

Care & Support Forum

On Monday, June 23, I'm thrilled to lead the Care & Support Forum through Wired Churches!

Forums are very different from the workshops. We'll give it the structure for conversation, but there's less me and more you - which is really good for all of us!

Regardless of the church size, we all have this in common:

• People have needs that require counseling
• People have common needs that can be met in a group setting
• People need someone to visit them in the hospital
• People need others to pray for them
• People need help managing their money
• People need help through gifts of money
• People need to be married and buried

It might appear a little overwhelming, but there is something else these leaders have in common. They share the knowledge that it is a great privilege to serve the ones that Jesus loves - people! When you get involved in caring for people, you get a front row seat to see God work - wonderfully amazing!

You should check out the June workshops being offered and come to Granger with some others from your team. If you are some of the many who have already registered for the Care & Support Forum, please post a comment with the 1-2 topics that interest you most - we want to care well for your needs too!

Group topic ideas

Group Ministry leaders from other churches attending the last Getting a Grip on Groups workshop requested this post. They asked for a list of conversation topics for groups. I hope it's helpful to other church leaders and to our own people looking for stuff to talk about in their groups.

Please know my favorite topic for conversation is our lives. Weaving it through the teachings from weekend services can be really helpful to internalize the teaching. When we've conquered all those topics, it'll be time for sainthood!

Notes: 1) All the items listed are found in our GCC bookstore. 2) The list of great resources is really endless - this list isn't intended as all-inclusive. 3) I only included links where I felt like it - you can all perform a search.

Nooma DVD's - Rob Bell is the featured speaker - about 10 - 12 minutes long. We buy these as they are released and check them out to our groups.

Media Resource Sites - Bluefishtv.com, Liquid Method, Renovare, Soulcare

Books - There are so many! The first few with an * are the ones I connected to strongly (which is not meant at all to minimize the quality of the others). After those, they are in alphabetical order. Nearly all have discussion questions or websites listed in them for additional resources.

• The Shack**, Young
• Messy Spirituality**, Yaconelli
• Sex God**, Bell
• Velvet Elvis**, Bell
• Choosing to Cheat, Stanley
• Confessions of a Pastor, Groeschel
• Going All the Way, Groeschel
• ...for Everyone (one for most books of the New Testament), Wright
• I became a Christian and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, Antonucci
• Life You've Always Wanted, Ortberg
• Lost Women of the Bible, James
• Organic God, Feinberg
• Purpose Driven Life, Warren
• The Essential Bible Guide (100 short readings), Kuniholm
• The Essential Jesus (100 short readings), Kuniholm
• Too Busy Not to Pray, Hybels